Angel Has A Scary Day...

Two months ago, I received a summons to report to a court hearing for child support. I found this a bit strange since I never fathered any children. It's been two months and the day of my court appearance arrived. Mom and I along with my bother and my nephew decided that we would make a family day out of the event. The plan was to arrive early, get a good seat in the court room and watch the show until it was time for my turn in the docket. As planned, we arrived at the court house early. But then, that's where things started to not go according to plan...

We were informed that we had to go to a different location. We walked two blocks out of our way and  discovered that my family couldn't accompany me. So, all alone, I ventured forth. There were the usual metal detectors and security guards in the lobby. After the security screening, I went up to the second floor and was greeted by two more security guards. They looked at my documents and pointed me in the right direction.

I walked into an unassuming office and stood in front of a reception desk. The receptionist handed me some forms to fill out. I protested my innocence, but, my words fell on deaf ears. The form was a nasty green piece of paper that seemed both innocent and ominous at the same time. It asked for all manner of unpleasant details that made me think that this was going to be an expensive problem and that perhaps I should have opted to hire a lawyer. I filled out the form and handed it back to the receptionist.

As I sat in the waiting area, waiting for whatever would happen next, I took the time to look around the room. There were more security guards around the waiting area. Three to the right of me and two others on my left. There were a lot of other unhappy guys sitting around and a few ladies. Could one of them be the infamous Jennifer of legend? Only time would tell.

After what seemed like an eternity, my name was called and I went over to what seemed like a nice lady's desk and had a seat. The nice lady proceeded to ask me to confirm that my address and phone number had changed as she proceeded to change an entry in the computer in front of her. To my horror, I realized that this other person was already on the hook for child support and that this supposedly nice lady was updating his record with my information.

I professed my innocence in this matter and informed her as politely as my panic stricken mind would allow, that I was the wrong person. The nice lady completely ignored me and continued to ruin my life. In addition to wanting my photo ID, the nice lady also wanted my pay stubs, my tax returns and proof of insurance. I protested once again that I was not the right person. After enduring my protests, the not so nice lady informed me that my name was on the court order and that she was just doing her job. I informed her that the name on the court order was different from my name. She sat there stunned for a moment and actually looked at the court order and looked at my photo ID and the records she was updating and realized that something was amiss. The nice lady excused herself and left me sitting there.

After several minutes in consultation with her superiors, the nice lady came back and apologized. They hear so many people professing their innocence that it's become second nature to ignore the complaints. Unfortunately, they were not entirely convinced that I was not the person they were after, so, they asked me to have a seat in the waiting area. They wanted to wait for the infamous Jennifer of legend to confirm that I was not the guy. So, I went back to the waiting area.

As I sat in the waiting area, I had a look around again. There were a lot more unhappy faces there now then were there when I met with the nice lady. I waited and waited and waited some more. There were some new lady faces in the crowd as well, but, I wasn't sure which one could be the infamous Jennifer of legend.

After a long while, another nice lady appeared and called for myself and Jennifer. I looked around to see who would stand up with me and much to my surprise, there was no Jennifer. I was escorted into the new nice lady's office and she apologized once again for the inconvenience. We talked about how unusual the situation I found myself in was. I learned that the other guy works in the construction industry and was about twenty years younger than me.

I also took the time to fill the new nice lady on some of the other exploits that the other guy was into. There was a water bill for $3000 in his name that showed up at my house, there was a stack of parking tickets thick enough to choke an elephant and last but not least, there was a car dealership so intent on collecting on a $6500 car that the other guy had signed for, that they sent me an I-9 for $6500 with his social security number on it. In addition, I informed the new nice lady that my court order had a second cover sheet with Jennifer's name and address and that I suspected that Jennifer probably didn't get her copy of the court order. The new nice lady was appalled. If this were a case of domestic abuse in which the spouse was in fear for one's life, providing the name and address of the spouse to the abuser would definitely not be a good thing.

The new nice lady backed out all of my information and promised to destroy the offending green form. And, with that, I was free to go. It was only 10:00am.

Meanwhile, the family was outside watching people of all sorts enter the building and wondering which one was the infamous Jennifer of legend. I emerged from the building victorious and we headed over to the Reading Terminal Market for an impromptu round of victory sodas. I broke the bad news to the family -- the infamous Jennifer of legend and children were nowhere to be seen. Earlier in the day, we had made plans to have lunch down town, but, since my business was concluded much earlier than expected, we decided to go home instead.

Two life lessons emerged from this experience. First, if this happens again, hire a lawyer. Second, keep a file with all of the other guy's information on hand. It'll be easier to explain all of the issues with actual exhibits to draw upon.